Abandon Your Goals and Be Somebody in 2021
“If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change” — Mahatma Gandhi
At the start of 2020, whatever your goals were, they were likely disrupted by a repetitively pesky and inconvenient fear of contracting what we all infamously now call COVID19, leading you to abandon friend and kin in pursuit of individual, “bubbled” safety in your pyjama pants, Zoom meetings and occasional cheer of John Krasinski (hats off, but masks certainly on, to you, sir).
For me, I had goals of writing more, perhaps making a few videos for YouTube, traveling, entering more running-based races, seeing more musicals (“Wicked” anyone?), and of course, at last figuring out what I, and this 36 year old body, really wanted to do with my life when I grew up. For me, I think of these as destination goals.
2020: Guilty Reflections
Instead, what 2020 turned out to be was an amazing reflection on how hard it is to accomplish those things we’ve planned. And sometimes it’s just downright impossible. If you’re like me (I know many of you are), my workload changed dramatically. My work hours ballooned into 60–70 hour work weeks to keep up with these COVID-era needs (I work for an EdTech company).
While I’m proud of what I achieved in my job (and part of me loved playing a (small) role in the education transformation that has taken place), I know that there was, and still is, a draw inside of me to accomplish those things I set-out for at the beginning of 2020. In consolation of my struggle to accomplish those goals, I spent much of 2020 trying to understand how I could muster the motivation and time to accomplish those meaningful, but impressively neglected, destination goals. And this disappointing weight sits on me, leading me to believe that I’m somehow a failure for not achieving more in a crazy year of curve balls.
I realize that I’m probably not alone. I know many people who set New Year’s resolutions/goals, and who have a nagging oppressive underachieving guilt because they failed to reach the destinations they set for themselves. If you’re like me, you may find some solace in knowing that the odds are stacked against us. Less than 8% of people who set goals accomplish them.¹ Given that, it’s hard not to throw up our hands and wonder if setting goals are worth it at all. In fact, I’ve sometimes felt that goal setting is a future-self guilt exercise. You produce a list of things that your future self realizes it didn’t accomplish. Depressing, right?
The Unhelpful Side of Goal-Making
Thing is, I think that goals do provide a meaningful way of giving life a sense of purpose. They tell you where you’re headed and give you a tiny bit of motivation to get there.
If you do even the smallest amount of searching on goal setting, you’ll often see the common, misleadingly simple, advice that you must write them down in a specific format — as if formatting were the pixie dust of goal attainment. While there is undoubtedly merit to clearly defined goals, the problem is that the act of writing down a goal (even a “SMART” goal), isn’t the only step that is necessary in accomplishing it (obviously). In fact, in my research, it seems that deciding on and writing down a goal, while important, isn’t the key in achieving it. So what is?
On Being the Goal You Wish to Accomplish
Well, here’s the interesting thing about the path to our goals. Paraphrasing James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, the path of your life will most likely be determined by the often autonomous, repeated and linear steps you take in a specific direction.² And these repeated steps are your habits. In general, James doesn’t recommend that you specifically have destination goals. Goals are instead directional guideposts for your life indicating the direction in which you want your habits to take you. And to take it a bit further, it’s likely better to prioritize who you want to be and less on what you want to have accomplished.
The path of your life will most likely be determined by the often autonomous, repeated and linear steps you take in a specific direction.
For example, if you want to be a writer, you can certainly set a goal to write a novel by August. But fundamentally, if you want to write a novel, you want to be a writer. Because to write a novel requires you to, first (and foremost), write — a lot. If you then think about what writers do on a daily basis (i.e. what are a writer’s habits) you’ll likely find that they set aside time each day to write (shocking I know). So if you want to write a novel, you need to create a habit of daily writing. And if you find yourself not wanting to write every day, then you may not really want to write a novel — you just want the destination, not the life.
The same is true about all destination goals. You need to be something to get there. If you don’t want to be that person, then accomplishing that goal is probably not for you — or at least you’ll need to seriously consider whether your discomfort and effort to get there is really what you want.
2021: The Year to Be…
This year, I’d encourage you to join me in taking a different approach to goal setting. Yes, I’m still going to write out those destinations (goals) I want to visit. But I’m starting with, and focusing on, who I want to be in 2021 and the habits that type of person would have. I know that I want to write more this year (hence this article) — I want to be a writer this year — and so I’ll certainly set some goals for motivation. But the key here is really the habits and routines that I’m establishing to become the writer I want to be and the mechanisms that I use to track my progress (as the highly successful venture capitalist John Doerr would say “Measure What Matters”). As for the goals, I’m reframing them to be directional intentions rather than firm commitments and I’m going to rely on habits to draw me closer to achieving my goals.
For example, as I do not already have a writing routine, I’m starting small. To keep me interested in being a writer, and to give it some meaning, my intention is that by the end of January I will write 5 articles for publication.³ Next, I’m going to borrow the concept of “Success Spirals” from Nick Winter’s, The Motivation Hacker, to set up my (digital) ink-stained path to writerhood.
Creating Success (Spirals)
Success Spirals are a mechanism to increase your expectation of success and to build your success “muscle.” Expanding this metaphor, you don’t show up to the gym for the first time expecting to deadlift 300lbs when you’ve never deadlifted 100lbs — or if you’re like me, you do show up to the gym expecting to lift 300lbs and leave with embarrassment, a minimum 6 week recovery, and ridiculously sore back.
The point is, you want to start small.
Success Spirals are comprised of three things:
- A small, tiny, insignificant goal (one in which there’s almost no internal resistance to doing)
- A reminder (to do the goal)
- A measurement (of your doing the goal)
Basically, every time you achieve a success spiral, you reinforce the notion that you can become the person you want to be. In my case, I’ve set the goal to write no less than 200 words (about anything and no quality judgements) per day in January. That should take no more than 15–20 mins a day (for context on how minimal this is, I spend more time reading the news each day).⁴ After each writing session I will track two things:
- Completion of another 200 word writing session and;
- How enjoyable the session was (I want to really know, do I actually like being a writer?)
I expect that at the end of January I will have a new formed writing habit and more insight into my enjoyment of writing.
Why am I taking this approach?
To me this approach is way more meaningful (and likely achievable) than the old set it (a destination goal) and forget it approach of New Year’s resolutions. Why?
- Even if I don’t reach my goal of 5 articles in January, as long as I keep the success spiral, I am still becoming a writer. I can easily look back and realize that my goal was too ambitious or perhaps I didn’t want that goal at all. But I will certainly be directionally closer to the person I want to be. And this matters more to me.
- Even if I discover through this that I don’t want to be a writer. I’ve continued building on my success “muscles” — and that is useful anywhere and for anything I want to accomplish, this year or next.
At the end of the day, the month or this year, I hope to end up, regardless of my goals achieved, a little more like the person I want to be. And when I reflect on my 2021 journey (which I’m confident we’re all hoping is a little different than 2020), I see personal development, no matter the work I completed or didn’t complete. Oh, and maybe I’ll accomplish a few of my destination goals along the way.
My question to you is: who do you want to be in 2021? Do you want to be a student, a reader, a friend, a parent, a teacher, a therapist, a happy person? Whatever it is I encourage you to join me by setting your own small success spirals and track your progress. The only thing you can really aim to accomplish in any year, whether that is 2020, or 2021, is a better you.
Be safe and happy my friends.
Footnotes:
[1] https://www.forbes.com/sites/ashiraprossack1/2018/12/31/goals-not-resolutions/?sh=73d7a26b3879
[2] If you’re looking for a quick and easy overview of his book, this is a good place to start: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q8ApZXWgJq4
[3] As a side note, it’s generally better to make short term goals than long ones, in part because we do not know the future, and because they are more achievable and motivating.
[4] For those wondering, I could certainly invert the metric and track the time and not the word count. For me, the word count is more important in this case as I don’t want to stare at a page for 20 minutes, counting that as part of my writing session.
